Avengers New Groove
by littleditto
Summary: Arrogant young Tony Stark is transformed into an android by his power-hungry business partner-the treacherous Loki. Stuck without any way to get back into his tower, Tony's only chance to get back home and reclaim the high life rests with a good-hearted soldier named Steve Rogers. Together, they must get Tony to his Malibu home before Loki tracks them down and finishes him off.
1. Part 1

**This story, "Avenger's New Groove", is based on the Marvel Movie Universe version of** **The Avengers** **, written with the basic plot and themes from the Disney movie** **The Emperor's New Groove** **. I was inspired a "Brisby Pops" tumbler post my sister sent me. In it, it showed a gif of Robert Downey Jr. saying that he sometimes wishes he was a llama. After that is natural fan reaction to compare Tony Stark to Emperor Kuzco from** **The Emperor's New Groove** **and find parallels. So, so many parallels. Then of course someone suggested Steve Rogers as Pacha, Loki as Yzma, and Thor as Kronk. And thus a master-post was born. The link is at the bottom**

 **So I decided to write "The Avengers New Groove".**

 **The original plan was to have** **Avengers** **characters in the** **ENG** **(** **Emperor's New Groove** **) setting. However, when I was halfway done with it, I realized I'd been writing it two different ways and in two different settings at the same time. The first was set in** **Emperor's New Groove** **in Mesoamerica, and was more of a lighthearted story that** **ENG** **is written in. The second way was more like** **The Avengers** **, with much darker themes and in modern America. These two conflicting ideas could not exist in the same story, so I had to choose one, but either way I had to rewrite it because both sides referenced the other. In the end, I chose to rewrite the fic in modern America and more like Avengers than ENG. As such, I give you the warning that this story is rated "M" for safety, due to coarse language and violence. Another warning is the story is also AU, or set in a sort of Alternate Universe, as all the characters, shoulder angel and devil aside, are human, and come from normal backgrounds. There are no gods, super-soldiers in the wrong time period, or weaponized armors.**

 **Look below for a link to the "cast" images, saying which** **Avengers** **character is connected with which ENG character.**

 **When reading this story, you will find there are several different formats. Here is a guide to the different types of text:**

"Talking"

 _"_ _Narrator version of Tony Talking"_

 **"** **Singing/Music"**

 **Part 1**

Long ago, somewhere in a Los Angeles scrap yard...

Lightning flashes, illuminating a twisted jungle of damaged metal and car parts. A red and gold masculine humanoid robot lies across a small scrap heap, cursing loudly. His whole body is drenched, water flowing into cracks and holes formed where parts have twisted the wrong way. One of his legs is bent the wrong way, keeping him from walking, so he has resorted to dragging himself across the junk beneath him.

 _"_ _Will you look at that?"_ A narrator asks. _"Pretty pathetic, huh?"_ The rumbling thunder nearly drowns out the android's curses as his leg gets caught on a piece of metal sticking up, and awkwardly curls up in order to unhook it. _"Well, you'll never believe this, but that robot you're looking at was once a human being. And not just any human being. That guy was the CEO of a Fortune 500 company."_ The android manages to jerk his leg free, but unbalances himself and goes tumbling down the side of the pile. _"A genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist._ _Seriously!"_ He continues rolling down the hill until he reaches the bottom and crashes into a car. _"This is his story."_ With a groan, the android pushes himself away from the car and starts the long climb up a particularly tall scrap heap.

 _"_ _Well, actually, my story. That's right, I'm that android. The name's Tony. My full name is Anthony Edward Stark, but everyone calls me Tony."_ Tony narrates as his robot self makes it hallway up the pile before the piece of sheet metal he's crawling across gets dislodged from the pile by his movements and the droid screams as he goes sliding right back down the pile. Giving up, Android-Tony rolls himself onto his back and looks up at the storming sky as Narrator Tony continues. _"I was the world's nicest guy and they ruined my life for no reason! Oh, is that hard to believe? Look, I tell you what, you go back a ways you know, before I was an android, and this will all make sense."_

* * *

The scene switches to a small dark haired baby surrounded by toys playing with a stuffed bunny. _"Uhhh, too far. Aww, look, it's me as a baby!"_ Baby Tony hugged the stuffed bunny, squeezing the toy so hard the head popped off. Immediately the baby starts to cry, before a number of maids and butlers run forward, each presenting the child with an identical stuffed rabbit to the one he broke. The child stops crying and begins to laugh as Narrator Tony coughs awkwardly. _"Ahem. Moving on."_

* * *

The scene now showed a 26 year old Tony standing in front of a mirror. His skin was tanned, his short black hair tousled and gelled into a 'just got out of bed' look, and his goatee was trimmed to perfection. He wore a black Dolce & Gabbana business suit, black dress shoes, red and gold tie, and a pair of Ray-Ban sunglasses perched on top of his head.

"JARVIS?" Tony called.

"Yes, sir?" A mechanical British called from above. This voice was JARVIS; an Artificial Intelligence Tony had created and was working on integrating into the building. He could 'see', 'hear', and 'talk' using security cameras and speakers placed strategically around the building.

"Theme song." Tony said, grinning as the music started playing a song written by a fan of Tony's.

 **"** **There are despots and dictators**

 **Political manipulators**

 **There are blue bloods with the intellects of fleas**

 **There are kings and catty tyrants who are so lacking in refinements**

 **They'd be better suited swinging from the trees**

 **He was born and raised to rule**

 **No one has ever been as cool**

 **In a thousand years of aristocracy**

 **An enigma and a mystery**

 **In modern American history**

 **The quintessence of perfection that is he"**

Tony danced along with the song, strutting around his living room before heading into the kitchen to eat. A chef was waiting for him with a banquet of breakfast choices to choose from. Tony smirked, dismissing the chef with a wave as he sat and started piling his plate with food.

 _"_ _Okay, this is the real me. The billionaire, not the android. Billionaire, droid; winner, loser."_ Narrator Tony says, " _I live in a giant tower, Stark Tower, in the greatest city in the world, New York City._

 _"_ _It stands in the heart of the city, with my corporate headquarters beneath my personal residential floors, and everyone there works for me."_

 **"** **Oh, yeah!**

 **He's the sovereign lord of the nation**

 **He's the hippest cat**

 **in creation**

 **He's the alpha**

 **the omega, A to Z**

 **And this perfect world will spin**

 **Around his every little whim**

 **Cause this perfect world**

 **begins and ends with"**

"Me." Tony called out as he finished his breakfast. He got up and danced over to the elevator, leaving the dishes and leftovers for someone else to clean up. As he got in the elevator, he jabbed the button to the second floor as the song continued playing in the elevator speakers.

 **"** **What's his name**

 **Tony**

 **That's his name**

 **Tony**

 **He's the king of the world**

 **Tony**

 **Is he hip or what**

 **Tony**

 **Yeah"**

The elevator arrived with a ding, and as Tony backed out of the elevator, he felt something collide with his back, sending him off his rhythm. Turning around, he saw he had bumped into an elderly man with slicked back grey hair and a pair of red aviator sunglasses. "Hey, watch it bub!"

Tony huffed, crossing his arms and glaring at the old man, before pointing a finger at him. "You threw off my groove!"

"You're the one who bumped into me, kid. Excelsior!" The old man argued.

A pair of mechanical clawed arms extended from the floor, grabbing the old man by the elbows. "I'm sorry, but you threw off Mr. Stark's groove." JARVIS' voice called from above. One of the window slid open, before the clawed arms tossed the man through it. The window shut itself, and Tony looked expectantly up at the camera.

"You were saying JARVIS?" Tony demanded.

 **What's his name**

 **Tony**

 **Tony**

 **Tony**

 **That's his name**

 **Tony**

 **Tony**

 **Is he hip or what**

 **Tony**

 **Don't you know he's**

 **the king of the world**

 **Tony**

 **Whoa, yeah"**

"Boom, baby!" Tony shouts as he burst through the side door into the briefing room. Immediately, reporters started pelting him with questions as Virginia "Pepper" Potts, Tony's assistant, walked swiftly over to him.

"Mr. Stark, you're late." Ms. Potts informs dryly.

"A Stark is never late. Everyone else is just early." Tony countered, smirking as she rolled her eyes. "So what's this on again?" He asked, subtly gesturing to the slew of reporters just out of earshot.

"Stark Industries newest line of phones. And here are your cards on what to say." She handed him a set of notecard with a pre-prepared speech on it.

"Thank you, Pep. Don't know what I'd do without you." Tony says jokingly.

"Spend all your days dancing and playing in your lab while the company descended into ruin." Ms. Potts replies with a smile.

"You know me so well." Tony grins at their usual banter, before turning and walking up to the stage, winking at a leggy brunette reporter as he passes. "Alright, let's get this show on the road."

* * *

 _"_ _Anyways, still wondering about that robot at the beginning of the story? Well let me show you the people responsible for all the craziness in my life. First there's Steve Rogers."_ Narrator Tony pointed out.

A taxi pulled up to the curb outside the tower and parked, letting out a tall man. Caucasian, he had blond hair, bright blue eyes, and large muscles. It was clear from the way the 34 year old carried himself that he was a military man, and yet his near-constant soft smile made him seem very approachable. He wore a brown motorcycle jacket over a grey and white plaid shirt and a pair of blue jeans.

As he walked up to the building, he saw something waving about in his peripheral vision. Turning to look, he saw a leg sticking out of the top of a bush in front of the building, flailing wildly.

"Uhh…"

"Don't just stand there, pull me out!" the person the leg was attached to bellowed.

"Oh! Right, sorry." Steve carefully pulled on the leg until he could get a better grip on the person and pull them out. "What were you doing in there?"

"What was I doing in there? I'll tell you what I was doing in there! That stupid billionaire had me thrown out the second story window because I 'threw off his groove'!" The old man vented.

"Whoa, are you okay?" Steve asked.

"Am I okay?! That bastard tossed me out a window! How do you think I'm doing?!" The old man yelled, before stalking off, muttering under his breath about self-centered billionaires. Steve stared after him for a moment to make sure he was okay before turning and walking into the front door.

He walked up to the front desk where the receptionist was doing something on her cellphone. "Umm, excuse me. Miss?" Steve called politely, trying to get the receptionist's attention. She turned to look at him with a bored expression.

"Can I help you?" She asked dully, clearly not caring.

"Uh, I have a meeting scheduled with Mr. Stark? Apparently he needed to see me about something and—"

"Name." The receptionist interrupted.

"Rogers. Steve Rogers, ma'am." The receptionist tapped a few keys, looked at him again, before reaching under the desk, pulled out a visitor's badge, and scribbled his name on it.

"Here. Take the left elevator, go up the 18th floor, third door on your right, and wait to be called. Just ask JARVIS if you get lost." The receptionist drawled.

"Who is—" But the receptionist was already looking at her phone again, blatantly ignoring him. "Thanks." Steve called as he went into the elevator, manners ingrained in him from a young age not allowing him to leave without thanking her. He pressed the button for the 18th floor, gripping the handrail as the elevator started up with a jerk. "But who is Jarvis?"

"That would be me, sir." A British voice said, seeming to come out of nowhere to Steve.

"Who's there?" Steve demanded, whipping back and forth trying to find the mystery person.

"I am JARVIS, Mr. Stark's personal Artificial Intelligence. If there is anything I can do to assist you, merely ask."

"Uhh….thanks?" It came out as more of a question than a statement.

* * *

 _"_ _See what I mean? This guy is serious trouble. But as bad as he is, he's nothing is compared to what's coming next."_ Narrator Tony warned.

"And why should Stark Industries help you again?" A 30-something year old man with a British accent asked. He had pale skin, slicked back shoulder-length black hair, and piercing green eyes. He wore a black two-piece suit, white shirt, black tie, gold and green scarf, and black dress shoes.

 _"_ _This is Loki Laufeyson, one of SI's business partners. Started out working for his adoptive father in a no-name company in Norway, before staging a hostile takeover that soon brought the company to the top of the charts under the new management."_

"Damn it Laufeyson! This is serious. People's lives are at stake!" Shouted a middle-aged man in an army uniform. "That gamma spill has affected a lot of people—including one of our scientist who up and gone missing! We need SI to assist in the cleanup effort and develop a treatment!"

"Well General Ross, you should have thought of that **before** you spilled all that radiation. SI will not help you. Good day." Loki turned around to walk away, but Ross wasn't done with him.

"Now wait just a—" The general reached for Loki, but broke off as a large hand grabbed his arm in a tight grip.

 _"_ _And let's not forget Loki's right hand man, Loki's adoptive older brother Thor Odinson."_ Thor was a tall man, built like an ox, and strong as one too. His dirty-blond shoulder-length hair was pulled back into a low ponytail and his grey eyes stared the general down. He wore a black jacket with a high collar over a red tee-shirt with a silver lightning bolt on it, and a pair of black slacks. _He's a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, and not exactly the brightest bulb, but he stayed loyal to his younger brother despite the little coup he staged."_

"You shall not lay a hand on my brother." Thor boomed. Several security guards showed up and dragged Ross out the door.

 _"_ _Lately, Loki has gotten this bad habit trying to run SI behind my back without me noticing. Too bad for him, I have, and I'm thinking that it has to stop."_

"This isn't over Laufeyson!" Ross declared before the door closed behind them. Loki rubbed his temples, trying to stave off a headache.

"The nerve of those military guys, thinking they can just order you around like that." Tony said casually.

"Tell me about it." Loki groaned, before his eyes widened and he whipped around. Standing behind Loki and Thor was none other than Tony Stark.

"Hi there." Tony smirked.

"Mr. Stark!" Loki smiled nervously.

"You were doing it again."

"Doing? Doing what?" Loki asked innocently with a nervous chuckle.

"Trying to run my company. I'm the CEO; you're SI's business partner. Remember that?"

"But, Mr. Stark. I'm only dealing with the tedious part of business that I know you hate. Wouldn't you rather spend your time in your lab creating things or working in Research and Development?" Loki continued to try to explain his action, while Tony zoned out.

'Man this guy is just droning on and on. Does he ever stop lying? And what's with all the hair gel...Do I smell poptarts?' Tony thought.

"Aye brother. Don't you agree, Friend Tony?" Thor asked, throwing an arm around Tony's shoulders.

"Whoa whoa. No touchy! No touch!" Tony jerked away, wary of the strength Thor sometimes he forgot he had. Thor held up his hands in surrender, a somewhat confused but apologetic look on his face.

Pepper came into the room, walking right up to the trio. "Excuse me. Mr. Stark, your 6:30 appointment has arrived."

Tony's face lit up. "Great, great. Send him in, I'll head right over." He started to walk away, before turning back to Loki as Pepper walked away. "And by the way, we're done here."

"Of course. We'll see you Wednesday." Loki said, voice and expression neutral but relief that the subject seemed to have been dropped clear in his eyes.

"No, I mean, we're **done** here. As in, Stark Industries is severing its partnership with Asgard Inc."

Loki's eyes widened. "But we've been partners for many years now. Surely, you want to sleep on this decision? And what of the board; don't they have a say?"

Tony stopped, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "Yes we have. No I don't. I really don't care."

"But—but—but-!"

"Hmm. Let me put it another way. Our partnership has expired, we're going in a different direction, we're no longer picking up your option. Take your pick, I've got more." Tony grinned at Loki's slack-jawed expression. "It's over Laufeyson. Now get out of my building." With that, Tony turned and walked away, leaving a fuming Loki and confused Thor behind.

 **So what'd ya think? Review to let me know.**

 **Links (just get rid of the spaces):**

 **Brisby Pops:** post/ 34697919010/fireflyca -pie- liner-eats -tesseract

 **Cast:** www .pinterest. com twilight_reader/avengers-new-groove/


	2. Part 2

**Hi guys, littleditto again. Surprisingly, I got chapter two done in only a couple days. Usually it takes me longer. And did you guys see the newest "Antman" trailer? Falcon's in it!**

 **I realized I forgot to say it last chapter, so here's the disclaimer: I own nothing! Zip, zero, zilch, nada! Everything mentioned belongs to Disney, because apparently they own Marvel now.**

 **Onto the story!**

"Talking"

 _"Narrator version of Tony Talking"_

* * *

 _"_ _No, I mean, we're_ _ **done**_ _here. As in, Stark Industries is severing its partnership with Asgard Inc."_

 _Loki's eyes widened. "But we've been partners for many years now. Surely, you want to sleep on this decision? And what of the board; don't they have a say?"_

 _Tony stopped, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "Yes we have. No I don't. I really don't care."_

 _"_ _But—but—but-!"_

 _"_ _Hmm. Let me put it another way. Our partnership has expired, we're going in a different direction, we're no longer picking up your option. Take your pick, I've got more." Tony grinned at Loki's slack-jawed expression. "It's over Laufeyson. Now get out of my building." With that, Tony turned and walked away, leaving a fuming Loki and confused Thor behind._

* * *

 **Part 2**

Steve sat awkwardly in one of the small chairs in Tony's office as he waited for said man to show up. When the billionaire did show up, Steve quickly stood up to greet him. "Mr. Stark."

"Mr. Stark was my father. Call me Tony."

"Then call me Steve."

"Alright Steve. So what do you think of my tower?"

"It's very big, very futuristic. I met your…JARVIS."

Tony seemed to light up at the mention of his creation. "Isn't he great? It's an anagram, since he's Just A Rather Very Intelligent System. He isn't installed through the entire tower yet, so I still need security guards and other things like that, but once JARVIS's systems have been fully integrated, those jobs will be obsolete. Pretty cool, huh?"

"He certainly seems advanced." Personally, Steve thought all those lost jobs was not "cool", despite how amazed he was at how human the robot had seemed. But he didn't come here to judge the younger man. "So what was it you needed my help for?"

Tony just grinned. "Walk with me Steve." With that, Tony turned and walked out the room with Steve following. "If I remember correctly, you used to work here before, correct?"

"Yeah. I worked here for your father as a security guard while I went to college, then left a couple years later around when he died to join the army, a little before you took over. I think you were…16 at the time."

"And then?"

Steve smiled fondly. "And then I took a tour in Iraq, met my wife Peggy, got promoted to Captain, had a couple kids with another on the way, and Peggy and I both managed to get a Permanent Change of Station to Camp Lehigh in New Jersey. What about you?"

"Running a multimillion dollar company, throwing crazy parties, creating inventions to change the world. You know, the usual." Tony shrugged.

"Right, the usual." Steve shook his head at the absurdity of what Tony said. "As interesting as this is, I doubt you called me up here to catch up."

"Correct. You said before you're stationed at Camp Lehigh. What can you tell me about the area?"

"The area?" Steve asked as they walked into a room and stopped in front of a waist-height object covered by a sheet.

"Yep." Tony theatrically whipped the sheet off, revealing a diorama of Camp Lehigh on a table, accurate down to the smallest detail, even having a couple tiny toy soldiers 'running' around. "The area."

"…is that? It is…" Steve trailed off.

"Yup. You've got a pretty nice set up out there. But what about the surrounding area?"

"Uhh. We have a large surrounding forest; we're several miles from the nearest town. It's usually stays slightly cloudy; with temperatures in the 70s and 80s…I'm not really sure what you're looking for…"

"No no, you're doing good. Now tell me, where do you find the most sun?" Tony asked.

"Well, I'd say it's…" Steve carefully nudged Tony to the side of the model. "…right about here. When the sun comes up over these trees, at sunrise, it's the epitome of peace and tranquility."

"Well that settles it then." Tony say, leaning down to study the model.

"Really?" Steve asks, surprised.

"Yup, problem solved. Thanks for coming." Tony dismissed.

"That's it? That's all you needed me for?"

"Yeah, I just needed an insider's opinion before I Okayed this spot for my pool."

Steve stopped, trying to figure out how they transitioned from army bases to pools, but came up blank. "Uh, your pool?

Tony reaches under the table, before lifting a model of a mansion and slamming it on top of the Camp Lehigh model, smashing it. "Yup. Welcome to my newest mansion. For when I want to get away from the city, but still stay close to headquarters. Complete with both indoor and outdoor pools, and a waterslide."

Steve was utterly confused. "What? I don't understand?"

"It's my birthday present to me. I'm so happy."

"Wait, Stark—Tony, back up a minute! Explain what the heck you're talking about." Steve demanded.

"Well let me clear it up or you. I bought out the camp and the surrounding lands from the government, and tomorrow at my birthday celebration, I'm going to make an announcement, and my workers will tear the camp down to make way for this." Tony said, pointing at the mansion model. "So, if I were you, I'd start packing up the family."

Steve gaped at him. "But why? Do you know what would happen if you did that? Everyone stationed there would be transferred; families, like mine, would be split apart! And not to mention, that base has existed since World War 2, you'd be destroying an important part of American history! What about all of that?"

Tony pretended to think about it. "Hmm. Don't know, don't care. How's that?" Tony asked, beginning to walk away.

Steve scowled and reached for Tony. "Now wait a minute, you can't—" But was cut off as a pair of mechanical claw-arms rose up from the ground and grabbed his arms.

"I will not allow any harm to come to Mr. Stark." JARVIS declared. Tony stopped before turning around and waking right in front of Steve.

"When I give the word, your little base camp will go bye bye." Tony said smugly as a pair of security guards came out of an elevator and grabbed Steve while the metal arms let go. "Bye bye."

"Damn it Stark! You can't do this!" Steve shouted as he was pushed out of the room. Tony just rolled his eyes and headed back to his office.

 _"_ _Oh yeah. Everything was going my way."_ Narrator Tony sounded smug. _"Or, so I thought."_

* * *

With a quick swish, a knife imbedded itself into a picture of Tony's face that was covered with other similar knives.

"Who does that ungrateful little **worm** think he is? He can't get rid of me that easily." Loki ranted as he paced the large office he had in SI's building while Thor retrieved the thrown knives, tearing down the destroyed picture and replacing it with another before handing Loki the knives. "Does he have **any** idea who he's dealing with? How could he do this to me? I practically taught him the ropes of business, and this is how he repays me?" Loki growled, punctuating each sentence with a knife thrown with perfect accuracy onto Tony's picture.

"Aye. One would think he would respect you more." Thor agreed, once again fetching the knives and changing the picture.

"Yeah go figure." Loki shrugged, before taking the knives again.

"Well, it's a good thing you're taking your anger out on these copies instead of the real Tony." Thor said offhandedly, missing the way Loki's eyes lit up.

"That's it! For once you have a good idea Thor." Loki exclaimed, tossing the knives to the side. "I'll get rid of Stark!"

Thor's eyes widened, before his expression turned pleading. "Brother no! You can't—"

"Silence fool. Or are you planning on breaking your promise to me?" Loki demanded. Thor's eyes dropped to the floor, before looking back up at his brother with a resigned determination.

"No, brother. I shall not go back on my word. No matter what, I will stand by your side and support you."

"That's what I thought." Loki sneered. "Now let's get back to the topic at hand. With Stark out of the way and no successors named, I will take over Stark Industries."

"But Brother, how will that work, with Tony having broken the partnership? We have no connection to the company anymore."

"Ah, but the only ones who know that are the three of us. Jarvis was not yet installed on that floor, no one else was around, and Stark is surely too lazy to file any sort of paperwork voluntarily. Soon only the two of us will know, and with how much SI's board of directors favors the way I do business; they will surely put me in charge." Loki declared. "To the secret lab!"

 _"_ _Now, Loki's secret lab wasn't so secret, or even a lab really. It was a large room that had gone on relatively unused for several years, so Loki took it over. He used it to practice 'magic' and other voodoo ritual crap. Apparently, he even thinks he's some sort of sorcerer now. He even changed the hallway layout so it could only be accessed by a secret entrance that was activated by a hidden lever, and an alarm activated by a false lever. Due to these changes, everybody in the building knows the 'secret lab' exists, but nobody really has the heart to tell him."_ Narrator Tony explained as Loki and Thor speed-walked down the hallway over to an empty desk.

"Pull the lever, Thor." Loki demanded. Thor pulled on a potted plant so it tipped to the side, and a loud klaxon alarm and flashing red lights started going off.

"Wrong lever!" Loki cursed, before reaching over the receptionist's desk and pressing 'ctrl, alt, delete' on the computer keyboard, shutting the alarm off. "Why do we even have that lever?" he grumbled, before shoving Thor aside and grabbing a lamp and tipping it, making a section of the wall behind the desk slide to the side. They walked in the new doorway, and the wall slid closed behind them.

Hidden lights turned on as they passed, lighting up the room. A large pentagram was drawn on the ground, surrounded by runes and symbols. A large bookcase ran across the left-hand wall, stuffed full of books on many different kinds of magic and rituals. Along the back wall was a large cabinet with jars and vials of various creatures and substances.

Loki immediately went for the bookcase, sliding his hands along the covers until he found the book he wanted. "Contracts...crafting…creatures…and there it is. Curses." Pulling it out, he flipped through several pages. "Hmm…banishment, no he might come back…sleeping curse, that's too easy on him…death curse. Perfect.

" 'To perform a death curse you need pentagram, incense,' yadda yadda yadda, got that, got that, and—what's this? 'Some of your victim's hair in order to focus the curse.' Thor, I need you to get me some of Stark's hair. I don't care how; just get me a chunk of it."

"But—!"

"Oh for god's sake, must I think of everything? Check his hair brush. Now go! I have a ritual to prepare."

* * *

 **So...? What do ya think? Review to let me know! Please? Reviews are the lifeblood of authors, you know.  
**


	3. Part 3

**Hi guys. It's me again. I actually meant to update sooner, but Netflix was about to delete one of my shows before I could finish it, so I had to put stories on hold and have an AoS marathon. Then I found out today it was "Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H.", not "Agent's of Shield" that was deleted. I stayed up till two in the morning trying to watch it all. Sleeptime wasted.**

 **Anywho, on to the story.**

 **Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own Disney, which means I don't own Avengers or Emperor's New Groove either. :(**

"Talking"

 _"Narrator version of Tony Talking"_

* * *

 _Hidden lights turned on as they passed, lighting up the room. A large pentagram was drawn on the ground, surrounded by runes and symbols. A large bookcase ran across the left-hand wall, stuffed full of books on many different kinds of magic and rituals. Along the back wall was a large cabinet with jars and vials of various creatures and substances._

 _Loki immediately went for the bookcase, sliding his hands along the covers until he found the book he wanted. "Contracts...crafting…creatures…and there it is. Curses." Pulling it out, he flipped through several pages. "Hmm…banishment, no he might come back…sleeping curse, that's too easy on him…death curse. Perfect._

 _" 'To perform a death curse you need pentagram, incense,' yadda yadda yadda, got that, got that, and—what's this? 'Some of your victim's hair in order to focus the curse.' Thor, I need you to get me some of Stark's hair. I don't care how; just get me a chunk of it."_

 _"But—!"_

 _"Oh for god's sake, must I think of everything? Check his hair brush. Now go! I have a ritual to prepare."_

* * *

 **Part 3**

Later that night, Loki and Thor were both in the Secret Lab, each dressed in a different outfit. Thor wears silver chainmail armor with grey arm guards, and a red cape. Loki wears a black and green leather coat, black pleated shirt, metal wrist guards, a cape attached to gold pauldrons, a gold necklace, and a gold helmet with two long horns extending from the front and curving up and towards the back like a goat. Loki's look was completed by a long golden spear with a blue crystal at the end.

"I've prepared everything necessary for the ritual; everything, but one ingredient. Thor, did you get the hair?" Loki asked solemnly.

"The hair? Oh, the _hair_. The hair taken from Tony's brush. The hair we need to kill Tony. Tony's hair." Thor and Loki stare at each other for a moment in silence. "That hair?"

" **Yes that hair!** Now give it to me!" Loki growls. Thor reaches into his armor and pulls out a small bag with a clump of Tony's hair in it. Loki snatches it and walks over to the center of the pentagram, dropping the hair into a cauldron and muttering some words under his breath.

"Brother, why are we dressed like this?" Thor asked.

"Because it is part of the ritual. Now be quiet before you ruin it." Loki snapped, before resuming his mutterings. After several minutes, he dipped the end of the spear into the cauldron before pulling it back out. The crystal glowed an ethereal blue, shining with a light it didn't have before. "There, the ritual is complete. Now we must go find Stark. JARVIS is down for the next few hours for installing upgrades and updates, and sneaking past the security guards will be child's play."

"Brother, are you going to kill him with that?"

"If you are asking if I'm going to stab him, the answer is no. Now come, and do it quietly."

With that, the two silently snuck up to Tony's floor, before creeping into his bedroom. The billionaire was in his bed, lamp still on revealing he was asleep sitting up with a tablet in his lap showing plans for his future mansion. Loki carefully used the tip of the spear to pull the blanket away from Tony's chest, before pressing it over Tony's heart. With another muttered word, the spear's crystal grew brighter. Tony's back suddenly arched up, eyes flying open with a chocked gasp revealing they were the same shining blue as the crystal, as his hands gripped the blanket in a death grip. Just as suddenly as it started, Tony slumped limply back against the bed with a loud exhale, head lolling to the side, eyes closed, and skin deathly pale.

"Yes!" Loki hissed. "With this, Stark Industries is mine." Before Loki could pull the spear back, Tony started glowing again. "What?!"

Tony's hair fell off as his skin started turning red and gold in various places. The next to change was the distinctly shiny metallic appearance his skin took up, as contours started pressing upwards. His eyelids turned to thin red plates as his joints became visible.

In a matter of moments, Tony Stark had been turned into an android.

Silence reigned over the room for several long minutes, before being abruptly broken.

"A robot? **He's supposed to be dead!** " Loki screeched.

"Strange. Did you do the ritual right?" Thor asked.

"Did I—" Loki rounded on Thor, face red with anger. "You were the one who made me stop the ritual partway through! This is all **your** fault."

Thor looked taken aback, before looking down sadly. "Oh. I am sorry brother."

"Since this is all your fault, **you** have to take him out of here, and get rid of him. Permanently."

* * *

Thor, now dressed as a janitor, was pushing a cleaning cart down the hallway with a garbage can covered by a lid.

 _"Guess where I am right now. Uh-huh. In the can. Still think I'm not the victim here? Watch, it gets better."_ Narrator Tony said sarcastically.

Thor quickly walked up to a door, pushing it open revealing Stark Industry's own trash compactor. Looking around to make sure no one would see him, he opened the can and pulled out Tony, who was cocooned in a blanket, keeping him hidden. With a grunt, Thor tossed Tony into the compacter, before heading to the controls and turning it on.

"Mission accomplished." He turned around and started to walk away, but hesitated. Looking back, Thor saw Tony was just lying there limply as the compacter slowly lowered towards him.

"You're not just going to leave him there, are you?" a tiny voice asked. Thor looked around in panic at being caught, before a tiny puff of smoke on his shoulder drew his attention. Standing on his shoulder was a miniature man with short dirty-blond hair, grey eyes, pale skin, and white feathery angel wings on his back. He wore a white robe and golden sandals, held a gold harp, and a glowing halo floated above his head.

Thor looked at him with wide eyes. "Who-? What are you?"

"I'm your shoulder angel; you know, your conscious. Call me Clint. Now, you're not really going to let Tony die are you? You know he was just trying to do the right thing for his company."

"Don't listen to this guy." Another tiny voice spoke up. With another poof of smoke, a tiny woman appeared on Thor's other shoulder. She had pale skin, fiery red shoulder-length wavy hair, and green eyes. She wore a red skin-tight catsuit, held a red pitch-fork, had a pair of tiny red devil wings on her back, a devil tail sprouted from her lower back, and a pair of red devil horns adorned her head. "He's trying to lead you down the path of righteousness. I'm going to lead you down the best path." The shoulder devil grinned.

Clint's eyes narrowed. "Natasha. You know killing Tony isn't right."

"I disagree. Listen up, big guy. I have three reasons for why you should just turn around and walk away. Reason one, being loyal to your brother _is_ right. And think of what that loyalty means. Power, money, your brother's respect." Natasha argued, before pointing at Clint. "Reason number two. Look at that guy! He's using that stupid stringy music thing."

"We've been over this a _thousand_ times." Clint groaned. "It's a harp."

"Right." Natasha smirked. "That's a harp, and that's a dress."

"Robe!" Clint growled indignantly.

"Sure it is, Feathers. Now reason number three; look what I can do." With that, Natasha hopped off Thor's shoulder onto the compactor's console and started sauntering across it like she was on a runway.

"I…do not understand." Thor said, confused. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"No no. She has a point." Clint countered, staring avidly at Natasha.

Thor looked even more confused. "I…see." He didn't. "I'm afraid you two have confused me even more than before. I believe I would be better off figuring this out for myself." The shoulder angel and devil looked at each other, shrugged, before they both disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Thor looked back over to Tony and saw the compacter was less than a foot above him. After another moment of hesitation and internal debate, Thor came to a decision. He slammed his hand on the 'stop' button right as the compacter was touching Tony. After making the compacter lift again, he grabbed Tony and hefted him over his shoulder.

"What to do, what to do? What to do with the body?" Thor muttered to himself, pacing around the room. "I must get it out of here, but to where?" Suddenly his face lit up with an idea. "I can take him to my house! I'll just call a taxi to take us there" With that he walked out and headed to the lobby, taking care to not be noticed.

* * *

"The cab should be here in just a few minutes, Mr. Rogers, and your trip will be covered by SI." Pepper said.

"I can pay ma'am, really."

"Nonsense. You came here to meet with Mr. Stark, we will foot the bill. Now are you sure you don't want to take Mr. Stark on his offer to take some of Howard's things? He was being serious; after all, you and Howard were friends, weren't you?" Pepper offered.

"No offense Ms. Potts, but after Stark had me detained for several hours under claims of having me calm down, I'm not sure I can handle any more of his 'hospitality'. " Steve said stiffly. He was sure that Tony had just been trying to get rid of his father's belongings instead of showing any kindness.

"To be fair, it was actually JARVIS that had you detained. He's very protective of his creator." Pepper tried, but Steve did not seem to care. "Well, the cab should be here any minute. Have a nice weekend, Mr. Rogers."

"You as well, Ms. Potts." Steve said politely, before taking an elevator down to the lobby. At the same time, Thor was at the front of the building, trying to hail a taxi. The whole time, people were giving him strange looks for the blanket-wrapped object over his shoulder, but dismissed it and kept walking. After several minutes, one pulled over. The driver popped the trunk at Thor's request, and he placed Tony inside before shutting the lid. Right as he was about get in the cab, the wind blew his cap off, and with a shout of being right back, he ran after it. Right as Thor ran out of sight, Steve came out of the building and saw the cab waiting. Opening the door, he got inside.

The driver looked back at him. "Steve Rogers?" The driver asked, making sure he had the right guy.

"Yeah." Steve acknowledged, before telling the driver Camp Lehigh's address. It was at that moment that Thor came back and saw Steve in his taxi. His eyes widened and he tried to run over to the taxi, but the cab pulled out into traffic and around a corner. Chasing after it, Thor stopped abruptly after he rounded the corner, his heart sinking. The cab had disappeared in a sea of taxis. There was no way he could find Tony now.

"This is not good." Thor sighed, before turning back to SI.

* * *

 **So what do you think? Good? Bad? Neutral? I tried to add a bit of Kronk-humor to this chapter, but I'm not sure it worked. And my tiny Shoulder Thor is avoiding me, so I'm not sure I wrote him well. Tiny Shoulder Tony and Loki are both cursing at me, while tiny Shoulder Natasha is amused.**

 **Well, dear readers, I need your help. I'm totally stuck on how to do the scene for Steve realizing Tony is not just a robot when he gets back to base.** **I'm totally blanking. It happens at Camp Lehigh, I know that, and I know what happens afterwards, but the actual scene is what I'm stuck on. I just don't know how to get Steve to be separated from family with Tony. No clue, whatsoever. So please, if you want me to update any time soon, help an author out. Submit an idea of how YOU think it should go. Review, PM, whatever. And remember, whenever someone reviews my stories, I ALWAYS go to their profile to check out theirs.**

 **Hope to hear from you soon,**

 **littleditto**


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